A fresh year, a blank page, a snowy white canvas.
And a realization that hit me this morning, in an abbreviated "morning pages" session...
Most of 2011 was simply a frustrating year, creatively. Even so... I worked and studied, and pushed against the block that had been there for several years. Re-found The Artist's Way, and learned a little more about what exactly my block was made of.
2010 was a totally "fallow" year. Nothing happening, nada. Stone wall in my path, ouch. 2011 was a "set up" year. Prep. Background. Foundation. In the latter days of 2011, the block started falling away, I started hearing new ideas again, started following where they led. I made some new stuff. I watched some dear friends as they discovered new ideas and crafts. Inspiration doesn't stop with one person - it flows around, in, out, under, and through every crack in the armor it can find... it broadcasts...
So, here's shiny new 2012. 2011 has gotten it all set up and ready. And my mission, should I choose to accept it, is simply to reach out and gather the year in... then broadcast what it brings. Stay tuned. ;)
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Progress.
Bit by bit, babystep by babystep, I'm lifting out of some pretty heavy funk. I'm beginning to suspect a that certain online activity in my life has been draining my time, energy, and any creative ideas I might have had.
.
Beginning to suspect? Okay... revise that: I know for absolutely certain that moderating a chatroom is as demanding as any job on earth, and that it has been draining my time, energy, and creativity. Trouble is, the work I have in the "real world" - art and crafting - requires time, energy, and creativity to even happen.
.
Solution: walk awayyyyyy from the screen. Buy a copy of "The Artist's Way" and do what it says. Leave the computers upstairs, and travel downstairs to the studio, where your creativity can take form and be ready to bring your joy into other people's lives. Show up for the Work.
.
So...at the end of Week Three of the Artist's Way, I'm back in the studio and starting to make jewelry again. Ideas are starting to come in two's... soon three's, I hope. And there's still time to create a bunch of them before the season's first craft show!
.
And I'm sleeping better. I'm feeling my old well of positivity filling up again. And there's where the magic lives. I re-discovered my stash of seed beads today. Little glittery Delicas, silvery Rocailles... beads I'd forgotten I had. I'm seeing them sprinkled on a felted-wool fairy, with glittery feathery wings.
.
magic. i feels it nearby.
.
Beginning to suspect? Okay... revise that: I know for absolutely certain that moderating a chatroom is as demanding as any job on earth, and that it has been draining my time, energy, and creativity. Trouble is, the work I have in the "real world" - art and crafting - requires time, energy, and creativity to even happen.
.
Solution: walk awayyyyyy from the screen. Buy a copy of "The Artist's Way" and do what it says. Leave the computers upstairs, and travel downstairs to the studio, where your creativity can take form and be ready to bring your joy into other people's lives. Show up for the Work.
.
So...at the end of Week Three of the Artist's Way, I'm back in the studio and starting to make jewelry again. Ideas are starting to come in two's... soon three's, I hope. And there's still time to create a bunch of them before the season's first craft show!
.
And I'm sleeping better. I'm feeling my old well of positivity filling up again. And there's where the magic lives. I re-discovered my stash of seed beads today. Little glittery Delicas, silvery Rocailles... beads I'd forgotten I had. I'm seeing them sprinkled on a felted-wool fairy, with glittery feathery wings.
.
magic. i feels it nearby.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thoughts.
Ever want to just say "Screw it all"? Tonight, I do. I'm feeling discouraged, depressed, demoralized. I feel like I've put a lot of love and effort into projects and people who simply don't give a damn in return. I'm tired of feeling taken for granted. I'd like to just crawl into a big stack of books and forget that there is anyone else living in the same world as me.
I don't feel well, and I'm sad, and I want to just be quiet. Go deal with your own problems for a change. I never agreed to be your dumping ground. Especially when you don't want to hear what you know I'll say. I have enough sadness of my own without having yours heaped on top of it.
Tonight, I give up. I throw in the towel. I yield. I quit. bleh, yack, bluch, meh.
Leave me alone. Solve your own problems. Go away.
I don't feel well, and I'm sad, and I want to just be quiet. Go deal with your own problems for a change. I never agreed to be your dumping ground. Especially when you don't want to hear what you know I'll say. I have enough sadness of my own without having yours heaped on top of it.
Tonight, I give up. I throw in the towel. I yield. I quit. bleh, yack, bluch, meh.
Leave me alone. Solve your own problems. Go away.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
It's been a while!
Holy cow, where does the time go? Last I looked, it was Fall - and now I'm enjoying a cloudy, 75-degree day in March with a thunderstorm on the way.
With Spring, things start popping a little. Tom and I have sent a half-dozen cans of yard waste to the city for recycling, are slowly clearing out a section of basement, and are ALMOST ready to file our taxes (ha ha haaaa). I had a successful craft show this past Saturday, which means I need to make some more Stuff To Sell.
I'm getting tired of making the stuff I make... So my brain has shifted into "whatnow" gear. Time to stir the atmosphere, reach out a little, and see what the Cosmos might decide to let me play with.
Maybe fire-juggling. Or shark diving. Or maybe I'll just start knitting again. We shall see!
With Spring, things start popping a little. Tom and I have sent a half-dozen cans of yard waste to the city for recycling, are slowly clearing out a section of basement, and are ALMOST ready to file our taxes (ha ha haaaa). I had a successful craft show this past Saturday, which means I need to make some more Stuff To Sell.
I'm getting tired of making the stuff I make... So my brain has shifted into "whatnow" gear. Time to stir the atmosphere, reach out a little, and see what the Cosmos might decide to let me play with.
Maybe fire-juggling. Or shark diving. Or maybe I'll just start knitting again. We shall see!
Friday, September 24, 2010
An Opportunity... hmm.
Right in my email inbox... an invitation from the choral director of a group I used to sing with. Inviting all "alums" to sing with the group again in the spring, in a concert with the city Orchestra. Poulenc's Gloria.
This is TEMPTING, in spite of the fact that there are people singing in this group that I'd rather not ever see again. People who were the reason I left the world of singing onstage. And tempting in spite of the fact that Tom is not an alum of this group, so I'd be doing this alone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlITH1Jzg6A&feature=channel
Some glorious stuff. Challenging music, and a chance to get some vocal fitness back. And with the Orchestra. And with this choral director, who is one of my all-time singing heroes. And it's only eight rehearsals. No audition. TEMPTING for sure. Maybe it's time to start thinking about where I've stored my floor-length black skirts...
This is TEMPTING, in spite of the fact that there are people singing in this group that I'd rather not ever see again. People who were the reason I left the world of singing onstage. And tempting in spite of the fact that Tom is not an alum of this group, so I'd be doing this alone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlITH1Jzg6A&feature=channel
Some glorious stuff. Challenging music, and a chance to get some vocal fitness back. And with the Orchestra. And with this choral director, who is one of my all-time singing heroes. And it's only eight rehearsals. No audition. TEMPTING for sure. Maybe it's time to start thinking about where I've stored my floor-length black skirts...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It's been a gut-wrenching little roller-coaster of a day. First, I found out at breakfast that a critically ill friend woke up and spoke to her husband - a huge piece of wonderful news. I sailed to art class, where I succeeded in painting a little bit of my current canvas that had been whipping me for weeks. Got a new cell phone that TEXTS. Got advice on finishing a jewelry piece that has had me slightly baffled.
Then, I came home. Sat down at the computer, entered the housekeeping chat where I'm a volunteer Moderator - right in the middle of a Situation.
Gotta say, I really don't like Situations. The room has pretty clear rules, and some folks just seem to think that the rules apply to OTHER people. Then, when I try talk to them about it, all of a sudden I'm some sort of ogre who is trying to ruin their day.
And I'm not an ogre. I'm a human being, working a whole lot of my own hours to try to keep an online room full of women safe from internet bad guys and working productively. Positivity is a byword in this chatroom, and that positivity sometimes gets dragged to a halt by self-centeredness. Sometimes the sense of I'm Entitled To Do Anything I Please Here almost leaves me speechless.
So, it was a rough tough afternoon. Emails back and forth with the Head Moderator and my co-Moderator on the volunteer side... Couple of conversations in Yahoo... Some "Dump and Run" private messages in the chatroom from the offending chatter... raging migraine on top of it all.
But.
Choir rehearsal.
And, as usual, the music took care of the day.
In Christ alone will I glory,
though I could pride myself in battles won.
For I've been blessed beyond measure
and by His strength alone I overcome.
Oh, I could stop and count successes
like diamonds in my hand.
but those trophies are not equal to the grace by which I stand.
In Christ alone I place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross.
In every victory, let it be said of me,
My source of strenth, my source of hope
is Christ alone.
(words & music by Shawn Craig and Don Koch)
The music adds even more to the words... but this little anthem just settled me right back down. Put my feet on solid ground again. Put air back into my lungs, peace into my heart.
The Situation started back up when I got back home (and is still in process as I type this), but it doesn't matter. I know where I stand, how very strongly, and Why.
Then, I came home. Sat down at the computer, entered the housekeeping chat where I'm a volunteer Moderator - right in the middle of a Situation.
Gotta say, I really don't like Situations. The room has pretty clear rules, and some folks just seem to think that the rules apply to OTHER people. Then, when I try talk to them about it, all of a sudden I'm some sort of ogre who is trying to ruin their day.
And I'm not an ogre. I'm a human being, working a whole lot of my own hours to try to keep an online room full of women safe from internet bad guys and working productively. Positivity is a byword in this chatroom, and that positivity sometimes gets dragged to a halt by self-centeredness. Sometimes the sense of I'm Entitled To Do Anything I Please Here almost leaves me speechless.
So, it was a rough tough afternoon. Emails back and forth with the Head Moderator and my co-Moderator on the volunteer side... Couple of conversations in Yahoo... Some "Dump and Run" private messages in the chatroom from the offending chatter... raging migraine on top of it all.
But.
Choir rehearsal.
And, as usual, the music took care of the day.
In Christ alone will I glory,
though I could pride myself in battles won.
For I've been blessed beyond measure
and by His strength alone I overcome.
Oh, I could stop and count successes
like diamonds in my hand.
but those trophies are not equal to the grace by which I stand.
In Christ alone I place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross.
In every victory, let it be said of me,
My source of strenth, my source of hope
is Christ alone.
(words & music by Shawn Craig and Don Koch)
The music adds even more to the words... but this little anthem just settled me right back down. Put my feet on solid ground again. Put air back into my lungs, peace into my heart.
The Situation started back up when I got back home (and is still in process as I type this), but it doesn't matter. I know where I stand, how very strongly, and Why.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
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